23

wow. 23 today. i'm sure most of you think thats nothing significant, and in reality, it really isnt. no real milestone, or an age that allows me to do anything different. aside from being one step closer to botox. i always thought about this birthday when i was younger, as it is my "golden" birthday (23 on the 23rd). i could never picture myself getting this "old". i have a distinct memory of sitting at the table with everyone on about my mmmm 12th birthday, asking my dad for a hummer on my golden birthday (which he CONVENIENTLY 'doesnt remember'), picturing myself as some accomplished woman who had just about finished saving the world. well, as we all know, that hasnt quite happened. moving back to TO with some craaazzzzyyyy roommates (who just happen to double as parents...and a perfect sister with her perfect fiance and their perfect timetable life falling into place just perfectly. what? feel insufficiently accomplished? noooo), after finishing school (...for what?) has put me in quite a pensive mode lately. I have this constant sense of urgency to MOVE and get on with my life, do things, BIG things, (afterall i AM 23 now) yet here i seem to linger. i know what i want to do, but the whole getting there thing is a bit tricky. I find it difficult to locate the "fine line" between not sitting on my butt and doing nothing proactive to figure out a plan, and letting God lead me and trusting in His timing and not trying to force my own way. Each day i wake up and hear a TICK TOCK in the back of my mind, and a little success-o-meter (if you will) beeping because it is low on fuel. i went to school, graduated, now have a degree...isnt that what we are supposed to do? is that not the idea? isnt that "it"? but whose to say what "it" is, really. i mean sure if you want to follow the american stigma of what is deemed as success, go for it. but i dare you to follow what YOU deem as success. most of us are extremely fortunate to be able to get an education that can take us where we want to go. and that is something i think we should not take for granted. but for the rest of the world, where education is not so prevalent, are they not adequate without a degree? not last time i checked. all i know. is that each morning i wake up and i am not in fact using the degree i graduated with, nor currently in an active route of achieving the next degree on my list, a little part of me deflates. and then i realize im old, and and a little more ppfffft is released. (no, not a fart, that would be: ffrrrrtt) so i guess the point of this is. a part of me feels old and anxious that i havent found the cure to cancer, or that i have not "arrived" at where i want to be. but i dont think we are meant to hold ourselves to a certain mark and check if everything is lined up and measure how close we are to being "done". cuz we never will be. til we're dead of course. the time to live is now, not once we have certain abbreviations by our names, so that people you meet for the first time dont know how to address you. Sir? Doctor? Colonel? Buuudddyyyy? its MA'AM! bahah. anyway. i was reading some of my old blogs from sapin and such just longing for those days, wishing i could go back in time. i hold so tightly to that time in my life, the newness and zest of each day, so much to soak in. i so miss the richness i find in travel--the people, the culture, the sites...Gods creativity. i think a lot of us hold on to what we know (or knew) and forget that it already happened. done. we are not in that moment anymore. if we are still holding on to the old, we have no hands to embrace the new. and i am all too guilty of that. ive never been good at letting seasons of my life pass, because i enjoyed so much about them. which is why this birthday is a bit odd to me. im in a completely different place in my life for the first time. and its weird. and letting go of what was, and letting what is to come happen, (did that make sense...?) is hard. but there is always a new day, a new time to flourish, a new road ahead. all im sayin. is i dare you (and me) to pursue your passion in each day, and stop waiting. we dont know what is to come, we dont know what the plan for our life is, so why wait for something that is so uncertain, and may never come. the only thing we have to hold to is God and the promise He gives us. which is if seek him first, he will bring us the greatest fulfillment of all. and that, ladies and gentlemen, is success. that is when we arrive. when we fall on our face in front of him. WELCOME! so no matter where you are in life, how old you are (age is just a number, right?! :/ ), pursue YOUR passion, YOUR inspiration, and YOUR gifts that a mighty God has given you for a very good reason. who cares about reaching a certain time limit for an imaginary check-list....throw it out the window.....and M O V E, whatever that may be for you, wherever you are in life. let God's plan fill you, not someone else's. Let Him be E N O U G H. Now BOOGIE!!!

gotta go dye my grey hair

over and out